god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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