just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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