Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
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theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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