I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
did i just pee glitter
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize