He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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