I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize