Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize