the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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