dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize