I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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