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Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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