my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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