he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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