They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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