There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize