I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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