you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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