god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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