Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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