discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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