If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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