Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?

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  (505): so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew? http://tfl.nu/930a
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i think my mom watched the whole time

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  (856): i think my mom watched the whole time http://tfl.nu/ceac
  Replies (5) Good night (543) Bad night (4450) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!

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  (843): Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes! http://tfl.nu/yo6w
  Replies (9) Good night (407) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?

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  (850): Did you dl zombie porn on my computer? http://tfl.nu/emjo
  Replies (11) Good night (1751) Bad night (3040) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous

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  (925): We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/vmkf
  Replies (62) Good night (852) Bad night (6732) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun

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  (501): Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun http://tfl.nu/8fzd
  Replies (5) Good night (2636) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.

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  (508): There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day. http://tfl.nu/fth0
  Replies (12) Good night (3146) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.

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  (618): This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape. http://tfl.nu/eyxg
  Replies (14) Good night (1477) Bad night (4461) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You left your underwear on the fireplace

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  (843): You left your underwear on the fireplace http://tfl.nu/ha55
  Replies (4) Good night (2223) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?

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  (806): Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight? http://tfl.nu/jadi
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

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  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
  Replies (10) Good night (3246) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.

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  (412): He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up. http://tfl.nu/78zr
  Replies (8) Good night (350) Bad night (1523) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand

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  (315): This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand http://tfl.nu/jj5a
  Replies (3) Good night (802) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants

  (812): View more from Indiana

  That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.

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  (317): You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants (812): That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub. http://tfl.nu/6wmx
  Replies (2) Good night (1011) Bad night (334)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA

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  (931): I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA http://tfl.nu/dpqi
  Replies (5) Good night (288) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt

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