honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize