He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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