It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize