I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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