Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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