i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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