The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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