I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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