I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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