Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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