Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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