All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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