I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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