we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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