I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So vagazzling was a success
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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