Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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