Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize