Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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