He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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