Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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