from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize