i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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