fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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