well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's blow job season.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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