A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize