i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize