u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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