How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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